


Lost without you

by space_oddity_21



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Multi
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-07-11
Updated: 2020-07-16
Packaged: 2021-03-05 06:34:01
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 7,305
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25200094
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/space_oddity_21/pseuds/space_oddity_21
Summary: What I think/want/hope for/need in 7b
Relationships: Bellamy Blake/Clarke Griffin
Comments: 6
Kudos: 48





	1. 1

**Author's Note:**

> Standin' on the platform  
> Watching you go  
> It's like no other pain  
> I've ever known  
> To love someone so much  
> To have no control  
> You said, "I wanna see the world"  
> And I said, "Go"
> 
> But I think I'm lost without you  
> I just feel crushed without you  
> I've been strong for so long  
> That I never thought how much I needed you
> 
> I think I'm lost without you  
> Strangers rushin' past  
> Just tryna get home  
> But you were the only  
> Safehaven that I've known  
> Hits me at full speed  
> Feel like I can't breathe  
> And nobody knows  
> This pain inside me
> 
> My world is crumbling  
> I should never have  
> Let you go
> 
> I think I'm lost without you  
> I think I'm lost, lost, lost  
> Ooh-way, ooh-way, ooh-way, ooh, ooh  
> I think I'm lost without you, you  
> I just feel crushed without you  
> 'Cause I've been strong for so long  
> That I never thought how much I love you
> 
> Standin' on the platform  
> Watching you go  
> You said, "I wanna see the world"  
> And I said, "Go"
> 
> "Lost without you" by Freya Ridings

Clarke looks back, calculating her options.  
"Come on" Octavia yells a few meters ahead of her.  
She runs as fast as she can. She knows they don't have much time before they find them.  
Echo, who goes first, finds an open door. Without thinking, they all cross it. They enter in a room very similar to the rest: large, very bright, white. Hope is the last one to enter, and she makes sure to close the door behind her. Everyone leans against the wall, trying to catch their breath.  
"What do we do now?" Asks Hope.  
"We have to find a way out of here" Clarke replies.  
"It's not that easy. They'll chase us wherever we go” says Echo.  
“At the moment, we have to find the rest. We'll see later" says Octavia.  
"O, where's mom?" Asks Hope nervously.  
"I don't know, but we're going to find her. But you know your mother, I'm sure she's kicking everybody's ass", says Octavia, trying to cheer Hope up. And for a moment, Hope smiles.  
"You know this place better, where do you think the rest have been taken? How do we find them?" Asks Clarke.  
"They must have been taken to the extraction rooms," says Echo.  
"What's that?" Asks Clarke puzzled.  
“A not very pleasant place where they can see your memories” answers Octavia.  
"We need to keep going" says Echo, opening the other door in the room. They don't know where it leads, but it is their only option.

For a long time, they keep moving cautiously and quickly through the corridors of Bardo, trying to find their friends or, at least, a safe place to hide so they can devise a plan that will get them all out of there.  
At one point, they enter a room. Clarke has been lost for a long time and she's simply following Octavia, Echo and Hope through Bardo as her head fails again and again as she tries to find a way out of the complicated situation they find themselves in. She knows that even if they can find their friends and escape, Anders and his people will chase them again. She begins to think that perhaps the best option to save her people is to turn herself in. She knows very well that they won't find what they're looking for in her mind, since the Flame is no longer in her brain, but at least she will give her friends time to get safe.  
"We can't go on like this, we're stumbling around pointlessly" says Hope, and everyone knows she's right.

Octavia is going to say something, but suddenly a door opens. One of Anders's soldiers enters the room, dressed in white and armed. He stands still when he sees them. They also freeze for a moment.

Clarke is going to raise the weapon towards the soldier at the same time that Octavia, Hope and Echo think of a thousand different ways to get rid of him. But then the soldier raises his hand and brings it to his head. In a quick movement, his helmet is removed.

Dark curls fall messy around a freckled face. His eyes, dark and intense, stare at them.

"Bell!", exclaims Octavia, with all the relief in the world concentrated on that single syllable.  
Hope opens her eyes wide, completely bewildered.  
Echo stares at him, trying to believe what her eyes show her.

And Clarke... Clarke forgets to breathe for a moment. And before her brain can process what's happening, her legs run to him. She runs the few meters that separate them like a lightning and launches herself on him. She wraps her arms around his neck, unable to believe that it's him, that he's alive, that she hasn't lost him, that she truly is holding him in her arms. She buries her face in the gap between his neck and his shoulder, that little spot in his body where she's hidden so many times, that little spot that seems to have been made on purpose for her, that little spot that smells of peace and home... She thinks of nothing but him. She didn't think for a second that Echo, Bellamy's girlfriend, is only a few meters away from them, observing them. She didn't think of Octavia, who is surely dying to hug him too. She didn't think about anything. She just followed her instinct. And it has thrown her directly into his arms.

For an instant, Bellamy blinks and his arms move slightly. It looks like he's going to return the hug. Octavia can see how Bellamy's face shows complete bewilderment. And while Clarke hasn't had time to process anything yet, Bellamy places his hands on Clarke's shoulders and separates her from him, breaking the hug.  
It's then, in that very fraction of a second, when Octavia understands that something is wrong.  
Clarke looks at Bellamy with tears in her eyes and a smile of happiness that lasts only a few seconds. She looks at Bellamy's eyes, and there's something in them... Clarke understands then that something is not right.

"Who the hell are you?" Bellamy asks, stepping back and pointing his gun directly at Clarke's head.


	2. 2

Clarke's heart stops beating for a second.  
"What?" Clarke asks, though she's not sure she could have articulated any sounds.  
"Clarke, stay away from him," says Octavia, alert.  
"Don't move" Bellamy warns Clarke, still pointing at her head. "You are Clarke... The Key..." he whispers, as if finally understanding something.  
"Bellamy, what are you doing?" Clarke asks desperately.  
"Bellamy, put the gun down" asks Echo "We are your family."  
"I am Bellamy Blake servant of the Sheperd, and I have no family," Bellamy replies with his eyes fixed on Clarke.  
"Not. You're not, you are Bell- "  
"I've said don't move" Bellamy orders, pulling out a small radio from one of his uniform pockets. "I have them" he says.  
At that moment, Octavia and Hope pounce on him. Clarke sees everything without being able to move. Hope punches him in the arm, making Bellamy drop the gun as Octavia struggles with him to remove the radio. Echo, who is at the other end of the room, takes a few moments to react, but she also throws herself at Bellamy trying to block him. Between the three of them they can barely handle him.  
"Clarke, help us" says Octavia.  
Then Clarke gulps, completely horrified, and tries to stop Bellamy as well. After what seems like an eternity to Clarke, they manage to reduce him, but then the door opens and several armed soldiers enter followed by Anders and Cadogan.  
"Good afternoon ladies. We've been looking for you" says Anders.

…

Clarke opens her eyes little by little. She has a terrible headache. The first thing she sees is the ceiling of another of Bardo's hateful white rooms. She blinks, trying to locate herself. She wants to move, but then she realizes that she's tied. She looks down and sees that she has been dressed in white and that she's lying on a chair. In front of her, she can see a glass behind which she is sure that someone is watching her. She tries to move again, to free herself, but it doesn't work. Then someone enters the room. It's Anders.

"I hope they don't tighten you too much," he says, referring to the ropes that keep her tied.  
"Where's my family?" Asks Clarke.  
"Don't worry, they're fine. Despite what it may seem, we are good people, Clarke”.  
"You sure are," Clarke replies wryly.  
Anders smiles.  
“We know a lot about you, Clarke. And still, you surprise me. You are even more special than we thought".  
"What do you want from me?"  
"I think you already know. Your memories. I want to know what you know".  
"I don't know anything".  
"You're wrong. You're the only one who can help us win the war, Clarke. You are the most important person in the world to me”  
"What world, exactly?" Clarke asks, sickened.  
Anders lets out a laugh that freezes Clarke's blood. Anders' gaze reminds her of Russel's.  
"Let's get started, Clarke" Anders walks up to just inches from Clarke. He stares at her and smiles with a fake smile. "Please don't make it difficult for us".  
Anders leaves and one of his men enters the room. Clarke squirms once more, trying to break free. The man, dressed in white, starts working on a computer. Suddenly the ceiling opens and something begins to drop until it is very close to Clarke. The man places the device on her head. Clarke realizes that it is the machine they use to see memories. She needs to prevent them from entering her head. Their only advantage is that they think she has information they need. The longer it takes for them to realize she doesn't, the more time their friends will have to escape.  
"I'm not afraid". Clarke remembers Octavia's advice and begins to repeat that mantra over and over again to keep them away from her memories.

…

Clarke feels weak and her whole body hurts. She repeats the mantra over and over and over again until it becomes meaningless. Sometimes she thinks she's going crazy. She loses track of time. Her only reference is the different men who take turns trying to get inside her head. Every now and then they give her some water.  
Sometimes a few hours pass without anyone entering. Clarke assumes that it is night and tries to sleep.

On one of those nights, someone enters the room, waking up Clarke. She thinks it's one of Anders's soldiers and that her torture is going to start again. But this soldier behaves in a different way. He doesn't turn on the lights and seems to be sneaking around. He turns on the computer and lowers the machine. Clarke sighs, exhausted.  
The man approaches her to place the machine on her head. Clarke's heart begins to pound.

"Bellamy..." she whispers, trying to hold back the tears.  
He tries to connect the machine to Clarke's brain but he doesn't know how it works and for a while he struggles with the device.  
"What are you doing?" asks Clarke.  
"That woman, Octavia, said you know me... And for some reason, you look familiar to me... But I don't know why ... I'm going to find out ..."

Clarke understands everything. Bellamy wants to get into her head and see her memories. He doesn't remember her, he doesn't remember anything. He doesn't know who he is.  
"How could you have forgotten us?" She whispers, tears running down her cheeks.  
Her heart brokens into a thousand pieces. It can't be possible that he doesn't remember anything, it can't be possible that he doesn't remember everything that they've lived together… Then she decides to show it to him. She is aware that it may be a trap. She is very aware that they may be using Bellamy to access her head once and for all. She knows it and still decides to take a risk.  
Bellamy finishes preparing everything. He stands with his back to Clarke, staring at the screen where her memories should begin to project. Then Clarke closes her eyes and thinks about him.

And then Bellamy can see himself through Clarke's memories.

He can see himself, a younger version of himself, being a complete idiot and fighting with her all the time. He can see himself full of blood, leaning against a tree with her by his side. She says that she needs him. He sees himself watching her as she sleeps next to a bonfire in a forest.

Bellamy swallows hard. It's true that they know each other. It's true that this woman is somenone really important to him, someone with a powerfull connection with him. Why doesn't he remember her?

He keeps looking at the screen. He can see Clarke throwing herself into his arms, as she did days ago. Only this time, in the memories, he returns the hug. At his side is Octavia, the woman who claims to be his sister. "That's something I thought I'd never see," she says with a smile as the two of them are still holding each other. He sees himself with his hand over hers, lowering a lever. He sees himself arguing with her heatedly. "You left me" he says, with tears in his eyes. Now he's holding her hand as she sits on a some kind of throne. Then, for some reason, she blacks out while he's there, next to her, still holding her little hand. They are now in some kind of laboratory, both dressed in anti-radiation suits. She places her hand on his chest. "You have such a big heart, Bellamy... People follow you, you inspire them because of this... But if we want to survive, you have to use this too" she says, moving her hand from his heart to his head.

"I've got you for that" say the Bellamy of memories and the real Bellamy at the same time.

Bellamy steps back. He feels dizzy. He doesn't know what's happening to him. He doesn't understand anything. Why does he remember that sentence? Clark opens her eyes for a moment as she heards him. He's starting to remember. She closes her eyes again and keeps thinking about him.

Bellamy sees a rocket taking off in the middle of a burning world.  
Then he sees an old radio on the edge of a cliff. He can only see the sky. But he can listen to Clarke's words.

"Bellamy, it's been almost four months since you left. I'm sure Raven made it, and now your worst concern is the damn algae. I'd like to tell you that I'm fine, but I'd be lying to you. My wounds aren't healing. I hardly have any food or water... I keep trying to get to the bunker, but it's very difficult... Still, I want you to know that I won't stop trying. I'll try to get Octavia out of there, I promise”.

"Bellamy, it's been 251 days since you left. Last night Madi slept inside the house for the first time. Hopefully someday she will stay forever…”

"Bellamy, if you can hear me, it's been 378 days since you left. We have blackberries and blueberries and I've caught something edible. At least Madi will eat meat for a few days, she's so skinny... I don't have much more to tell. I miss you".

"Bellamy, how did you do it? How did you raise Octavia? I can't, I don't know how to do it… Madi doesn't listen to me, she doesn't do anything I tell her, she challenges me all the time… I wish you were here, I'm sure you would do this better than me… ”.

"Bellamy, today is two years since you left. There's only two more years so you can go down. I still can't get to the bunker. It's been raining for weeks now. Madi is reading and studying a lot and I've been drawing. I miss you".

"Bellamy, today is my birthday, the third since you left. I haven't said anything to Madi, I don't feel like celebrating... I don't remember if I'm 21 or 22 and I don't really care. I've made you a drawing, remind me to give it to you when you go down. Give hugs to everybody, I miss you all".

"Bellamy, it's been almost four years since you left. Madi is camping. Don't worry, it's very close to our camp ans she's safe. But she was excited and it seemed like a good idea… She needs to learn to be alone in case I- Changing the subject, I've been thinking a lot…".

Clarke moves in the chair. She hesitates. She doesn't know what to do. Should she show him the rest of the conversation? She needs to make him come back, she needs Bellamy to recover his memories, so she decides to do everything in her power. Even if that means showing him... that.

"I've been thinking a lot about you... and me... and .. Well, I... You know you're a very important person to me, the most important one perhaps, and I... Gosh, how can I be so bad at this?”

Bellamy turns for a second to watch Clarke. Seems like she's about to tell him something really important.

"What I wanted to tell you is that... -the Clarke on the radio takes a breath- Bellamy: I love you. That's it, I've said it. If you can listen to me, maybe we can talk when you come down, and if not... Well if you can't hear me, maybe someday I'll be brave enough to tell you"

Bellamy's heart begins to pound. He turns to Clarke and can see a tear escaping from her closed eyes. Bellamy doesn't understand why he feels this way. Why Clarke's words have quickened his heart? Why does he feel like this?

He listens to something and looks back at the screen.

He sees himself popping up out of nowhere with a mug in his hand. A woman tells him that she must be very important to him and, decisively, he answers "She is."  
Then he witnesses another hug, full of longing and disbelief and he understand that was the moment when they finally met again.  
Suddenly he sees himself in some kind of tavern. Clarke tells him that she will never forget again he's her family and he suddenly hugs her. Then he sees what Clarke saw when she came back to life thanks to him: his own face, full of tears and yet, full of hope. He says her name and suddenly they are hugging again.

"The head and the heart," she says.

He nods while still hugging her.

The screen goes black.


	3. 3

Clarke opens her eyes and looks at Bellamy, who continues to stare at the screen.   
Clarke takes a deep breath, trying to calm down and not knowing what to expect from Bellamy. Has he remembered her? Has he recovered his memories?  
After a few seconds, he reacts. He stares at the ground for a few seconds, still with his back to Clarke, and moves his fingers nervously. Suddenly, he turns around.  
"We have to go," he says as he releases Clarke.  
"Bellamy..."  
"Let's go" he says, helping her up.

Clarke is weak and she has to lean on Bellamy in order to walk. He puts his arm around her waist to help her and she drops almost all of her weight on him. Her legs move awkwardly and slowly through the corridors of Bardo and, at one point, Bellamy picks her up in his arms so they can move faster. Clarke, weak and terribly tired, takes the opportunity to rest her head on Bellamy's chest. For an instant, she would swear that he stops a little at this contact, but then he keeps walking as fast as he can and Clarke doesn't know if it really happened or if she has imagined it.

Bellamy leads her to a very small room where there is a narrow bed, a small table, a chair, and a door that leads to a ridiculously small bathroom.  
"They're our rooms", Bellamy clarifies, setting Clarke down gently on the floor.  
"But they'll come looking for me as soon as they realize that-  
"This is not my room. They won't look for you here, trust me”. Bellamy's tone and gaze are serious, hard and almost cold. Clarke swallows hard. She doesn't know what to expect from him. She still doesn't know if he's recovered his memory and is her Bellamy again or if he still doesn't remember anything. He seems to realize her bewilderment, and softens his tone and expression.

"Are you hungry, do you need something?" he asks, trying to be nice.  
"I could use a shower", she replies without much thought.  
Her response seems to make Bellamy uncomfortable.  
"There's a bathroom... It is not very big, but there are clean towels..."  
"Thanks", she says.  
"While... while you shower, I'll grab water and some food. You need to recover", he says.

She nods. They look at each other for a few moments. They are both uncomfortable. Bellamy barely remembers the woman in front of him and is becoming aware of the consequences of freeing Clarke. And as for Clarke, she's dying to talk to him, to know if he has recovered her memories, to know how to help him in case he still doesn't remember anything...  
Finally, after a few awkward seconds, Bellamy leaves the room and Clarke enters the bathroom. She observes her appearance in the small mirror. Her face perfectly reflects her state: exhausted. She looks at her clothes and is aware for the first time that they've changed her clothes and she's all dressed in white. She takes off her clothes little by little and goes under the water, letting the warm water run through her body, imagining that it carries all her problems with it. If only it were that easy... But while her problems don't fade down the drain, the shower is like a little miracle to Clarke. Her muscles relax and stop hurting so much, her migraine gradually disappears and her mood improves a little.  
Her eyes are closed and she's enjoying the touch of warm water and the good smell of soap when she hears the door open. She opens her eyes, tense.

"It's me", says Bellamy.  
Clarke gets out of the shower and wraps herself in a towel. She runs her fingers through her messy, wet hair, trying to undo the knots in her wavy hair.  
"I brought you clean clothes", he says from the room.  
Clarke is looking for something to cover herself a little more before opening the door, as the towel is not very large and leaves her legs too visible. She can't find anything, so she has no choice but to open the door wrapped in that small towel.

She tries to open the door just a little but Bellamy is right in front of the door and the first thing she sees when she opens are his dark eyes. For a moment, neither of them says anything. Bellamy's eyes leave Clarke's for a few seconds to slide down her almost naked body. Clarke can see how he blushes and gulps. Immediately, he looks her back in the eye and then turns his gaze to the wall while he hangs her the clothes.  
"It's the only thing I could find", he says, his gaze still on the wall.  
"Thank you" she replies.

A few minutes later, Clarke comes out of the bathroom feeling much better. She sits on the bed since Bellamy is sitting on the only chair in the room. On the table there is some bread with cheese, a glass of water and fruit.  
"I brought you this" he says, handing her the food.  
It is only then that Clarke realizes she hasn't eaten for days. She tries not to eat as fast as she wants to because she feels Bellamy's eyes on her all the time. He smiles for the first time when he sees her eat.  
"Seems like someone is hungry...", he says, still with a half smile.  
"Just a little...", she says shyly.

When she's done eating, Bellamy puts the plate back down on the table and hesitates between sitting next to Clarke on the bed or going back to the chair. Clarke notices him and pulls away a little, leaving him more room in bed and waiting for him to sit next to her. But finally Bellamy sits back on the chair.

"Well... It seems that you were telling the truth and we know eachother", he says, looking al her right in the eye.  
"Yes... We know eachother, Bellamy".  
Bellamy runs his hand through his hair, as he always does when he's nervous. Clarke sighs.  
"I've got you for that", he says suddenly, and Clake's heart skips a beat. "Why have I remembered that ”  
"I don't know. Maybe it was important to you…”  
"In your memories it wasn't clear to me what was happening..."  
"The Earth was about to be swept away by a radioactive wave. We were trying to save our people before escaping into space on the rocket. I had a feeling that something bad was going to happen to me and I was trying to say goodbye to you. I was telling you that you had to learn to use your head to save everyone and you told me that-  
"That I got you fir that", he whispers.  
"Yes…"  
"The head and the heart", he adds.  
Clarke nods, emotional and on the verge of tears.  
"So, you are the head and I am the heart?".  
"I hope so".  
"Why do you say that?"  
"Because if it's true that they've gotten into your head and erased your memories, the only way I have to get you back is through your heart..."  
Bellamy stares at her and Clarke could swear he's a little moved.  
"What happened after that?"  
“I didn't make it to the rocket on time and you left without me. I survived because I had been injected with night blood. I spent six years waiting for you".  
"With Madi?".  
"Yes, with Madi".  
"Is she... our daughter?", he asks, with bright eyes.  
Clarke widens her eyes, surprised by Bellamy's comment. She sits up a little nervously.  
"What? No, no. You and I weren't... You and I never... She... She was a lost child. I found her when I she was little and raised her. She's not our daughter ".  
"You're right, you said it in one of your calls... I'm sorry, I didn't remember... I ... I thought she could be our daughter" says Bellamy. And Clarke would swear there is a little disappointment in his words. Clarke shakes her head.  
"Why did you call me every day for six years?", he asks. He's been going right to the point the whole conversation and it's difficult for Clarke to answer such complex questions. Clarke swallows hard.  
"For many reasons, Bellamy..." she whispers.  
"Explain it to me, please"  
"Well... Because... Because I needed you, because I missed you... Because I was used to solving everything with you and suddenly you were gone and I felt so lost... I called you to keep hoping that you were still alive... And also because… Well, you heard it, right?”  
He nods. Of course he heard it. She called him because she loves him. Or loved him... And he doesn't know why, but he needs to know if that woman she barely remembers still loves him.  
"Do you still... Do you still feel the same?"  
"Bellamy, I..."  
"Answer, please"  
"I... You have a girlfriend, Bellamy. So it doesn't matter how I feel… ”  
Clarke's response leaves Bellamy in shock. Does he have a girlfriend? That's something that has never crossed his mind.  
"I have a girlfriend? Who?"  
"Echo" Clarke says with a sad, defeated smile.  
"Who's Echo?"  
“she was with me when you found us. The tall woman with short hair".  
"The blonde one?"  
"No. That's Hope. Echo is... The tall woman... The one with short hair... She's brunette, very pretty...", Clarke doesn't know what else to say to describe her. Then Bellamy seems to remember her.  
"And why didn't I feel anything when I saw her?"  
Clarke doesn't understand what he says.  
"When I saw you, I felt something strange... A strange feeling... The same thing happened with Octavia... I knew something was going on... But with Echo... It didn't happened"  
Clarke looks at him without knowing what to say.  
"I don't know, Bellamy. She escaped on the rocket with you. And when you came back, you two were a couple. It's all I know".  
"Sorry," he says.  
"Why?"  
"Because while you were alone on Earth calling me every day, I was in space with another woman"  
"That's... But... I... You and I were just friends, Bellamy. You don't have to... There's nothing to be sorry about... "  
"That's not true"  
Clarke runs a hand across her mouth, nervous and bewildered.  
"Who's Josephine?" he asks suddenly. Clarke looks at him in surprise.  
"Do you remember Josephine?"  
"I think so…"  
Clarke tells him everything that happened with Josephine and how he brought her back to life.  
"That was when you woke up, hugged me and said 'the head and the heart".  
"Yes"

Bellamy gets up and begins to walk nervously the small room. Clarke watches him without knowing what to do. He seems upset.

"I need... I need to take a breath. Get some rest”, he says, leaving the room and leaving Clarke alone.


	4. Chapter 4

Clarke doesn't understand Bellamy's reaction and is about to go after him. But then she remembers that if she leaves the room, she's exposed to being found by Cadogan's people.  
She sits on the bed, not understanding anything. She reviews her conversation with Bellamy, trying to remember if she said something that might have bothered him. Of course, confessing that she loves him and being completely honest with him is a big deal. But she never imagined that he would react by running away from her like that. It would've been enough to tell her that he doesn't love her because he doesn't even remember her...

At some point in the next few hours, sleep and exhaustion overcome Clarke and she falls asleep until a tap on the shoulder wakes her up. she opens her eyes startled and alert.

"Easy, it's me, Raven", her friend says.  
"Raven...". Clarke gets up from the bed. "Are you okay?"  
"Yes, we're all fine. Bellamy has helped us. Come on, we have to go”.

Clarke follows Raven into a large, dimly lit room where Miller, Nylah, Jordan, Octavia, Diyoza, Hope, Echo and Bellamy are waiting for her.  
Clarke's eyes linger a little longer than it's strictly necessary on Bellamy, until he looks away. She imitates him.  
Jordan approaches her and hugs her. Octavia does the same. It's strange to hug her again after everything that happened in the bunker, but there's something strangely nice and familiar about that hug.

After assuring several times that she is fine, Clarke asks them to explain what's going on.

"Gabriel is helping us" says Raven, "He has told us that Cadogan has gone crazy since they found you. He's manipulating the stone of the anomaly like a madman and apparently something's wrong now”.  
"What does it mean that something's wrong?" Asks Clarke.  
"Apparently that asshole has overloaded the stone or something like that" explains Octavia.  
"We don't know the consequences that this may have, but I imagine it won't be nice". Raven continues, "Gabriel has told me that they're detecting strange seismic movements on some planets".  
"To sum up, that idiot has broken that stone and has invoked the end of the world" summarizes Miller.

Clarke blinks, unable to believe what she just heard. Suddenly, she has the feeling that her life is nothing more than a continuous fight against the end of the world.

"And what are we going to do?" She asks, disoriented.  
"The first thing we have to do is to get you out of here," Bellamy replies, talking for the first time.  
"It's not that easy. The technology to reverse what Cadogan has done is here in Bardo. The only option we have to stop this is from here"  
"But it's dangerous for Clarke to be here" Says Jordan.  
"Miller and I can take her back to Sanctum while you stay here" suggests Nylah.  
"No way" Clarke replies, "Cadogan thinks I have the Flame and he'll come looking for me. I'm not going back to Sanctum and put Madi in danger.”  
"Well, we'll take you somewhere else" says Miller, "There are more planets, right?"  
"One is completely frozen and unfittable... Another is full of giant bugs that try to eat you alive... And in another one, time passes differently... The truth is that we don't have many options" says Raven.  
"I'm not going to anywhere. I'm staying with you. We're going to stop Cadogan and fix the anomaly together”, says Clarke.  
"That's what I wanted to hear", says Octavia, with a half smile.  
"You're stubborn, I do remember that..." Bellamy whispers almost to himself, but Clarke can hear him perfectly. She's going to say something to him him when the door opens.

Everyone points their weapons at the person who enters. 

It's Gabriel.

"Bad news", he says.  
"What happened?" Diyoza asks.  
"The anomaly is getting worse," he says, looking at Octavia and then at Raven. "Cadogan is completely crazy and is only making the situation worse... Even Anders doubts about him now".  
"But what is he doing?" Raven wants to know.  
“He keeps typing wrong codes at such speed that the anomaly is reacting strangely. It's destabilizing and altering the planets. Seismic activity is increasing in all of them".  
"What can we do?" Asks Echo.  
"We have to stop Cadogan and find a way to close the anomaly".  
"Close it?" Asks Clarke.  
“At this point, I don't think we can fix it. The safest thing is to close it".  
"But that would destroy it and you still don't know how it works or who created it" says Octavia, aware that Gabriel is passionate about the Anomaly and has dedicated much of his life to studying it.  
"I know. But if we don't do it… If we don't do it, it may end up destroying all the worlds it connects”.

They hear voices down the hallways. Gabriel gestures for them to be silent. When the voices drift apart, he hands Octavia a card.  
"With this card you will have access to their weapons and uniforms. I'll be on call tonight. Come then, and we will try to stop Cadogan”  
Octavia nods. "Thanks", she says.  
"Stay safe until then".

...

Hours pass slowly in that room. The tension is palpable between certain people. Bellamy seems to shy away from Clarke, who shuns Echo, who shuns everyone. Octavia tries to distract Bellamy and perhaps help him remember. She tells him anecdotes from when they were little. She tells him about their mother, about how she lived hidden in the ground… She tells him stories that he used to tell her and, at one given moment, Bellamy can remember one of those stories. The story of Penelope, Odysseus's wife, who spent her nights unstitching the loom only to give Odysseus time to return home after the Trojan War. Octavia's eyes light up and Bellamy not only remembers that story, but her sister's smile and expression bring back many other memories. The flood of information is such that he has to sit down for a moment because he's dizzy.

"Are you okay?" She asks.  
"Now I remember... now I remember everything...", he whispers, putting his hands to his temples.  
"Really?" Octavia's excitement is growing at the thought of finally getting her brother back.  
"I think so... Don't say anything to the rest, I need a little time".  
"Of course".

They sit in a corner of the great room they are in. All their friends have been forming different groups. Jordan, Miller, and Nylah are sitting together, chatting quietly. Echo is with Hope and Diyoza, but doesn't speak to them. Raven is leaning against the wall and looking at the ceiling, it's obvious that she's already thinking about how to close the anomaly. And Clarke... Clarke is alone at the far end of Bellamy and Octavia, sitting on the ground looking at her boots.

Bellamy watches her. Octavia watches Bellamy.  
"Has something happened with Clarke?", she asks.  
"Penelope waited for Odysseus for years without knowing if he was alive or not..." he says.  
"Yes" Octavia answers, understanding what her brother means. "You have to love someone very much to do that..."  
Bellamy clenches his jaw while still looking at Clarke. "She loved me, you know?".  
"What?"  
"Clarke...", he says, "I saw her memories. She showed them to me to make me remember. Do you think she really loved me?”  
Octavia smiles looking at her brother with some sadness. "Of course she loved you. She still loves you. And you may not remember it, but you love her too".  
This time, Bellamy stops looking at Clarke and looks at her sister.  
"But I was with Echo..."  
“Your story was never easy, Bellamy. But I am your sister, I know you better than anyone and I can assure you that you loved her almost from the first day you met her... As for Echo-"  
"She broke up with me", he says suddenly.  
"What?" Octavia can't believe what she just heard.  
Bellamy shrugs his shoulders. “While Raven was going for Clarke I tried to speak to her and she broke up with me. She told me that she needs to find herself -whatever that means-, that she will always love me and that we're family, but that we both knew that our relationship couldn't last”.  
"I'm sure that for Echo it wasn't easy, but I think she's made the right decision", says Octavia.  
"What do you think I should do?", asks Bellamy looking at his sister.  
"Honestly?" She asks and Bellamy nods. "Tell her. Not later, not when this is all over, not when we beat Cadogan and fix the anomaly. Because maybe we won't make it. Maybe all we have left is this moment, Bell”.  
Bellamy looks at her with some admiration. "Are you sure you are my little sister?" he asks with a slight smile.  
"Actually, now I'm older than you, but I'll tell you about that later ..."


	5. Chapter 5

Bellamy gets up and walks over to Clarke, who's still sitting in a corner of the room. Bellamy feels Echo's eyes on him as he gets closer to Clarke. He tries to ignore the guilt that grows in his chest. When he's only a few steps from her, Clarke looks up at him.

"Can I sit down?" He asks.

Clarke gives him a look full of insecurity and he feels bad for making her feel that way. Clarke doesn't answer him, but she gets back up a bit and crosses her legs to make way for him. But the truth is that there's a lot of room next to her because she's alone in that remote and dark corner of the room. Still, Bellamy sits as close to her as he can. For some reason he doesn't understand, he needs to touch her. Their legs rub together and Bellamy feels an electric current go through his body.

"I owe you an apology for leaving like that", he begins to say.  
"Bellamy, don't. It's OK...”, she replies, staring at her own hands.  
"Hey," he says, "I shouldn't have left like that, leaving you alone but... Everything you told me caught me off guard and-"  
"I get it, really", she says.  
"I've remembered everything" he confesses suddenly. Clarke looks at him in surprise. "I've suddenly remembered everything"  
"Everything?" She asks. And he nods.  
"I don't know how... I don't understand how I could left you behind in Praimfaya, Clarke... I'm so sorry"  
It was the first time he had mentioned that topic.  
"You had no choice, Bellamy"  
"But I left you behind and-"  
"And I left you in the fighting pits..."  
“And you apologized for it. Now I'm asking you to forgive me"  
"There's nothing to forgive, Bellamy. I was and I still am proud of what you did. It was the only way to save them all. If you had waited for me, all of you would've died..."  
Bellamy can understand what Clarke is saying and her words help to ease his guilt.  
"It was exhausting, you know?" He says, looking at his hands.  
"What?"  
"To remember. To remember everything. Remembering so many misunderstandings, so many difficult decisions, so many impossible situations… It took me a while to assimilate everything we have lived together, Clarke.”  
"Yes", she says, "it's been a long and complicated road... But in the end we always succeed"  
"Together?" He asks with bright eyes. She loses herself for an instant in that penetrating gaze of him that now shines almost deluded. He's smiling and she knows that he has remembered that that is something between them, like a private joke.  
"Together" she replies with a half smile.

They look at each other for a few more moments. He doubts whether to confess to her that he has broken up with Echo and that he's completely, totally and hopelessly in love with her. He takes some air, remembering Octavia's words.

"Clarke..."  
"Yes?"  
"Something has happended and..." Clarke looks at him expectantly. "Ehmmm... Echo and I broke up"  
Clarke's heart begins to beat faster as her eyes widen in surprise. She swallows hard, trying to hide that she just got very nervous.  
"I'm sorry, Bellamy", she says.  
"I... I was going to talk to her to apologize for not remembering her but she broke up with me before I could say anything".  
"But why? What happened?"  
"It seems like she needs to find her own way and that our relationship wasn't meant to last"  
"She told you that?"  
"Yes. And actually I'm glad that she had the courage to do so because… I've realized that… ” Clarke takes a deep breath with her heart pounding. He keeps talking. “There's a reason why I felt something when I saw you even though I was brainwashed, Clarke". Bellamy looks at her like she's the most valuable thing in the universe. Because to him, she is. "What you told me on the radio calls... What you told me... Well, I don't know if you still feel that way, but I... I love you too, Clarke."

Octavia is watching everything from the other side of the room. She sees her brother tremendously nervous, playing with his fingers and constantly looking away from Clarke to his own hands. She wishes with all her heart might that he had gathered the courage to confess something that she has known for years - centuries, really -, something that she knows very well: that her brother, Bellamy Blake, is head over heels for Clarke Griffin. Octavia can see how at one point Clarke starts to get nervous too. It seems to her that she blushes a little and also constantly shifts her gaze towards her hands.

"Don't screw it up, Bell," Octavia whispers to herself.

Clarke is stunned. She's sitting but she pretty sure that if she were standing she would've fallen. Bellamy's words makes the entire universe spin around her. She doesn't know what to do. She doesn't know how to react. What are you supposed to do when your best friend, your soulmate, the love of your life, confesses that he loves you?  
Clarke is dying to pounce on him, hug him, kiss him and say that yes, of course she still loves him. But Echo is only a few meters away from them, so she simply reaches out her hand to take his hand, big and warm, intertwines her fingers with his and, with the widest of smiles, says, “Still i feel that way. Of course I still feel that way… ”

Those words erase all the tension from Bellamy's face and an expression of relief and joy settles on his face. He squeezes Clarke's small hand lightly. He wants to tell her so many things... But he knows that this is not the time.  
"When all this happens-", he begins to say  
"OK", says Raven suddenly. "The night shift has started a while ago. We have to go now".

Clarke and Bellamy look at her and then look at each other again.

"Are you ready?" he asks.  
"Yes", she replies.

Bellamy gets up first. He reaches out his hand to Clarke, who takes it without hesitation, and gently pulls it up to lift her. They stand face to face, just a few inches apart.

"Let’s do this".


End file.
